True Colors
by GeekBastard23
Summary: Ziva has returned from Somalia but somehow is not her usual self. Tony tries to help as much as he can. But will he succeed? Set after 7x01.
1. You with the sad eyes

**A/N: Hey you guys!  
This story is set after 7.01. Ziva's just been rescued from Somalia but is not her old self. Tony tries to help her. But will he be able to succeed?**

**I hope you guys read, enjoy and review this thing.  
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**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. Like usually. **

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_Chapter One: You with the sad eyes..._

He can hear McGee talking right behind him but has no idea what about. Actually, he has forgotten why he is talking to him at all. McGee seems to realize that no one's paying him any attention and stops babbling, muttering something about getting a butterfinger. Then there is silence. Tony knows he should say something but he is not quite sure what. So he just keeps on staring into her eyes, those deep brown eyes that used to have that mischievous sparkle in them. But now that spark seems to be gone, replaced by something else. Tony can't quite put his finger on it. Maybe it is sadness, maybe they are even pleading. But yet, they have changed since Tony has last looked into these eyes.

_They're in Somalia. He's being restrained to a chair, McGee lying on the floor, hopefully only pretending to be unconscious. He's not sure whether he's able to stand it, if he loses him, too. And then a woman's brought in. Oddly enough, she doesn't even struggle when she is forced to sit down. Now the mask is coming off. Tony sucks in a breath. He doesn't know whether he is mortified by her looks or whether he's the world's happiest person._

_It's Ziva. His Ziva. She's not dead. My god, she's not dead._

_He looks into her eyes but can't find anything there. Her face is bruised severely but that's nothing in comparison to how hurt her eyes look. They're empty as if they have died long before the rest of her body would be able to follow. They don't change during their talk. Don't even change when he tells her that he's not able to live without her. They don't change during all the action that happens afterwards. They're just not changing. They're still empty. Only as Saleem falls down, he is able to see them flicker. But then, the moment is gone as fast as it came. He'd do anything to get back those sparkling eyes. But he knows there's nothing he can do. For now._

He's still standing there. He doesn't know how much time has passed already. He blinks once and the connection between their eyes is broken.  
"Waiting for a tour?" He finally asks.  
They keep on talking, seemingly only for the sake of talking. Abby is calling, disrupting the awkward conversation. Then Ziva is gone.

Hours later.

Tony's in the men's room. He's singing a stupid song. He can't even remember what it is called and he has to improvise some words. Suddenly, he notices a shadow. He turns around, seeing Ziva standing there. He hasn't heard her coming in. She's getting better than Gibbs in sneaking up on people. Or maybe it's just one of those little ninja skills. She talks to him. Yet, she seems to be kind of reluctant to do so. Tony's finally able to say he's sorry.

_For killing Rivkin. For the long time it took them to find her. For all the other stupid things he's done to her ever. For everything. _He adds in his mind, but not able to speak it out loud.

But she's adamant that it's only her fault and nobody else's anyhow. She tells him that he wants to trust him but is afraid of yet another betrayal. He's on the edge of hugging her. He wishes he could wrap his arms around her and never let go off her ever again. But he's not sure whether she would let him. Then, all of a sudden, he kisses him on the cheek. Then she's gone again. Tony remains standing there, softly touching his cheek where Ziva has just kissed him. He can still feel it, like it's burning into his flesh. For a short moment he smiles.

Days have gone by and one would say that everything is back to normal. McGee's still the victim of his pranks, Gibbs his usual talkative self. But Tony can see that all is different. Whenever there's the _ping_ announcing the elevator, he can see Ziva tense up. From time to time she would even jump. Ziva never used to jump. Tony didn't even think that it was possible for her to be caught off guard. Ziva acts liked nothing is wrong. But Tony knows that it's not true. He wants to help her but doesn't know how or if she would let him. But he has to try. He knows he has to try.

"Ziva," he approaches her at the end of another workday, "What are you doing tonight?"  
"Nothing much, probably knocking myself off watching the television."  
"Knocking yourself out, you mean."  
He gives her a smile, then continues.  
"Do you want to hang out at my place tonight? We could watch some movies, order Chinese food."  
"Only, if I get to choose the movie."  
For a moment he can see her smile flashing. But yet, it still seems oddly off.  
"You may do so," he replies, fervently hoping it won't be _Titanic_.

Sometime later, they are sitting on his couch, eating Chinese. He's glad, she's chosen _Love Story_. He loves it and it brings back comfy memories. They have watched it together before on that night when they were on that undercover mission. Those were the times…  
He sighs, triggering Ziva to look at him.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing…" Tony trails off. "Just thinking of the last time we watched that movie. You were wearing that cute little green dress."  
Ziva subtly shakes her head but doesn't look angry.  
"Seems like a lifetime ago."  
"Yeah," Tony replies, pulling his eyes back to the TV screen.

Tony suddenly wakes up. His neck is killing him. He tries to move but feels himself unable to do so. Something is keeping him from it. Or rather someone. Ziva's head is resting on his shoulder. She's snoring silently. Tony looks around. The TV is still running, though there is only the blue screen telling him the movie has long ended. He debates to wake her up but thinks better of it. There's no reason to. Maybe he should let her have the whole couch and go to bed. But he decides not to do so instead he softly kisses her forehead. It doesn't matter if his neck is giving him a hard time. He just wants to stay with her as long as she's letting him.


	2. Leave the light on for me

**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed and to those who alerted this story. There were quite a few, I love that. Thanks!  
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**This chapter is kind of... I don't know, it's just a transisting one, but I needed it here. so... Hope you like it anyways and review :)**

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_**Chapter Two: Leave a light on for me**_

He blinks. The room is lit in a bright light. Now he realizes it's the sun. Another blink. Now he remembers why he's in the living room. He stirs. Ziva isn't there anymore. Gone. A weird sensation spreads in his stomach. Did she just go without waking him? But then he can hear water running. She's in the shower. He sighs relieved. He doesn't know why he worries so much about her, seemingly unable to let her out of his sight. Tony yawns and stretches. A few more moments are passing then Ziva appears again. Her hair is still wet but she has changed clothes.

"Morning," she says.  
"Good morning, Ziva." Tony smiles at her.  
"I hope, it's okay that I showered here, I just figured I wouldn't have time to go home before work."  
"Mi casa es su casa."  
"And," she hesitates, apparently searching for the right words, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stay over tonight."  
"No Problem, no problem at all. You can stay here anytime you want. You know whenever you're bored or… whatever. I'm here, Ziva."  
He looks into her eyes that still don't give anything away.  
Ziva gives him a small smile.  
"You should hurry. I think we're running late for work. You know, the early bird catches the worm."  
Tony laughs, earning him a withering stare from Ziva.  
"Don't tell me that wasn't right."  
"It was right. That's why I'm laughing. Never thought I'd see the day that Ziva David gets an American idiom right."

Ziva gives him a head slap but Tony doesn't complain. He's glad that Ziva shows signs of violence again. He has missed it. All he has to do now is to be careful that there are no paperclips available for her to kill him…

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Later that day at work, Tony is cranking his neck. It gives him hell and Tony can see now that it was a really bad idea sleeping on the couch. He can feel McGee's eyes on him.

"What's up, McGoggle?"  
"Nothing. Just wondering what you've done to your neck. That's all."  
"Ah… I just fell asleep at the couch watching a movie. Wasn't quite as comfortable as I thought."  
He casts a glance at Ziva who gives him a small apologetic smile and shrugs.  
"Too bad," McGee says, "But since when do you fall asleep during a movie? Isn't that one of your rules?"  
"Rule number four to be exact. _Don't ever fall asleep watching a movie, no matter how bad it is_. Well, I don't know. It was a long day yesterday and I was just really comfy there."  
"Don't get too comfy here, DiNozzo," Gibbs' voice comes from the stairs. "Dead sailor in Quantico. Grab your gear."

While Tony is taking pictures at the scene, he can feel that Ziva seems to watch him. He looks at her and as he's sure that no one is within earshot, he asks.  
"What's up?"  
"I was just wondering why you haven't told Tim that I was there with you tonight."  
"I don't know," Tony weighs his words. "I wasn't sure whether you wanted him to know."  
"Know what, Tony? We watched a movie, we fell asleep. What's wrong with that?"  
"Nothing, Zee-vah. I was just thinking that you…"

"Don't think too hard, it brings lines on your forehead, DiNozzo. You're done here?"  
"Yes, Boss."  
"Okay, then. Let's go."

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The rest of the day goes by smoothly in the usual work routine. At ten o'clock Gibbs tells them to call it a night and Tony is relieved that he would finally get some healthy sleep tonight. As he arrives at his apartment, he strips off his clothes, takes a shower, then goes to the kitchen in order to get a beer, only wearing his boxer shorts.  
"Are you always walking around naked at home?"  
Tony almost lets out a scream but can hold it back just in time. As his heart rate goes back to normal, he answers.  
"Whenever I'm alone, yes, Ziva. And in case you didn't notice, I'm not completely naked," he pauses for a second then continues. "How did you get in here? I mean, you were breaking the lock, I guess but… why are you here?"  
"I brought pizza," Ziva points to the table. "Thought you'd like one. Well, you always do. I just wanted to say thanks for yesterday night."  
"You didn't have to do that. Like I said this morning, anytime. It's not like you're disturbing anything."  
He gives her a smile.  
"But as long as you're here… Fancy another movie?"  
Ziva just nods.  
"Okay then. Let me… uh… get dressed and you can pick a movie then?"  
"Okay."

Half an hour later, Tony was sitting on his couch watching _Snatch_. He hadn't taken Ziva for a Brad Pitt kind of girl but then again, Ziva's always unpredictable. He feels sleepy already. It has indeed been a long day and the pizza has done the rest. He can feel Ziva's eyes on him.  
"Rule number four," she says.  
"If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best," Tony cites. "But I don't get it. What has it got to do with Brad Pitt?" He asks confused.  
Ziva lets out a laugh.  
"Not Gibbs' rules. Yours. Remember? Don't ever fall asleep watching a movie, no matter how bad it is."  
Tony smiles.  
"Oh," he just says, stifling a yawn. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired. But I'll try to stay awake."  
"You don't have to. You know, I can go, if you want me to."  
Tony looks up. Though her face is composed and she's even smiling a little, her eyes give her away. Their eyes meet for a short moment and Tony can see the same pleading expression in them, he has seen before.  
"No, I'm not that tired," he lies, "Let's watch Mr. Eye-Candy there."  
"Okay."

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"Tony, wake up."  
He can feel someone nudging him. He opens his eyes and Ziva comes into view, looking at him.  
"Go to bed, Tony. I don't want to hear you complain about your neck tomorrow."  
"Hmm," Tony says, stretching. As he is about to get up, he asks.  
"You want to stay here? I mean, it's late and your apartment is pretty far away."  
"If you don't mind," her smile flashes once again.  
"No, not at all. But you take the bed, I'll sleep here on the couch."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes, positive."  
Ziva gets up, hesitates a moment then bends down to kiss him on the cheek.  
"Thanks, Tony for letting me stay," she simply says but Tony is sure that she's implying something. _I don't want to be alone._ Maybe only subconsciously, but it is there.  
"Night, Ziva."  
"Good night, Tony."


	3. Just in case

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. Keep them coming :)**

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_**Chapter Three: Just in case**_

"No! Please don't. I'll do it, I'll do it!"  
Tony awakes with a start. First, he's slightly disorientated but then he realizes that he is once again lying in the living-room. It takes him a few more moments to grasp what has woken him up. He can hear Ziva groan once again.  
"No!"

Hurriedly, he gets up and frantically searches for his gun. When he has found it, he cautiously walks to his bedroom. He doesn't get it. How did anyone get in here without him noticing? That would make two persons tonight. Hadn't he locked the door? How could he be caught off guard like that? He can hear his heart beating as adrenaline rushes to his head. He takes in one last deep breath before pushing the door to his bedroom open, gun ready to shoot whomever is causing Ziva to be in such pain.  
"Federal Agent," Tony shouts.  
"Tony?"  
"Ziva? Are you alright?"

The light is being switched on. Now Tony can see that Ziva is still lying in bed. She, too, has her gun drawn, aiming at him. It is when Tony realizes that nobody, well except for Ziva, is in here. He doesn't get it. Slowly, he lets his hand sink with Ziva mirroring his action.  
"Tony, what are you thinking? You've given me a heart-attack. I thought you were being attacked."  
"Well," Tony starts, still confused. "I thought _you_ were being attacked."  
"I wasn't."  
"I can see that now."

They keep on staring at each other for a few moments, obviously waiting for the shock to fade away.

"Why exactly were you thinking that I was in trouble?" Ziva finally asks.  
"I heard you crying. You were shouting, Ziva. It seemed like you were agreeing to something you didn't really want to do…"

Tony slowly sits down on his bed beside Ziva. His heart rate still isn't back to normal and his hands are slightly shaking, he realizes now. He runs them through his hair so that Ziva won't notice that fact.  
"I didn't cry, Tony. I was asleep."  
"You did, Ziva. I haven't imagined it."

For the first time since he has stormed into his bedroom, he really looks at her. She's wearing one of his NCIS gym t-shirts and a pair of boxer shorts. Her hair wildly falls down to her shoulders. Tony is reminded when they first met. She used to have her hair like that all the time and now that Tony sees it again, he knows that he has missed it. Absent-mindedly, he raises his hand and puts a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. He freezes as he realizes what he has just done. But Ziva just smiles at him and lets it pass.

"Well, Tony, I was sleeping like a hog before you came in here. How could I have shouted, then?"  
"Sleeping like a log," Tony corrects her, trying desperately not to laugh, despite himself. "But still, I've heard you. Did you have a nightmare maybe?"

He can nearly see Ziva thinking. She wrinkles her brow, trying to remember. Then, suddenly her face darkens. That slight smile that has appeared after Tony had touched her hair is gone now and her mind seems to be in a whole different place. Tony takes another look at her.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Hmm?" Ziva just says, snapping out of her trance like state. "Nothing, I can't remember what I've dreamt about. It doesn't matter, like you said, it was just a nightmare."

She turns her head away from Tony. She's lying to him, Tony is certain about that.  
"Ziva, look at me," he says, carefully pulling his arm around her shoulders.  
Although she's turning around to face him now, she's still avoiding any eye-contact.  
"You know for a trained ninja-assassin, your capability to lie is pretty bad lately."  
"It works with everyone else," she replies a tad stubbornly.  
"Ziva," Tony starts again, carefully raising her chin with one finger so she cannot help but look him in the eye.  
"Whatever it is, I want to help you. Desperately. But if you don't tell me what is wrong, I can't."

He looks into her eyes. They don't give anything away. There is just that sadness. All that sadness that Tony has seen before. He almost can't remember those brown eyes without it, anymore. Just as he almost can't remember that mischievous spark in them, anymore. This is seriously wrong and he knows it but if she doesn't want to talk about it, he can't make her. He's no Gibbs, he can't stare down a person until he breaks. Besides, how could he ever use such a withering stare with Ziva?

"You can't help me, Tony. What happened in Somalia has long passed. It's in the past and is not to affect the present."  
"Is this what's it about? Somalia? We never really… you know, talked about it."  
"Because it's not important anymore. We left Somalia, remember? I'm done with it and I prefer not talking about it."  
"But, Zee-vah," he carefully replies, "If it's still giving you nightmares, maybe this is what you should do. Talk about it. You know, it's supposed to help."  
"No, I don't want to, Tony. End of discussion," she angrily retorts.

Tony is holding up his hands.  
"Okay, okay. Consider this conversation dropped."  
Ziva merely nods.

Tony lets his back drop onto the bed and closes his eyes. He can feel Ziva beside him doing the same. Nobody talks for a very long time. They both are, obviously, buried in thoughts. Tony knows that Somalia and all what happened there is still affecting Ziva enormously. But he didn't think that it is even haunting her in her sleep. This isn't good. This isn't supposed to be like this. But if she doesn't want talk, she doesn't. And knowing his stubborn Ziva he can't make her. He decides to actually drop the topic for tonight. They're both tired and he doesn't want to start a fight with Ziva. Not when she's in his apartment. Not after he had almost a heart-attack because he thought that someone was hurting her. He would not push her. If she wants to talk, she will come to him. He's sure about that.

As he is finally drifting into sleep, he can hear Ziva mumble  
"Thanks for caring, though."  
"Anytime, Ziva, anytime."


	4. But for now, close the blinds

**A/N: So, I have been in quite a writing mood... so here's the next chapter. This one is a little lighter and funnier. At least I hope so ;-) Still appreciate all the reviews :) Keep them coming :)**

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**_**Chapter Four: But for now, close the blinds**_

"Hey Tony, do you have a minute?"  
Tony looks up from his paperwork, happy for an excuse to let it rest.  
"What's up, McGee?"

McGee motions him to come to his desk. That is unusual. He's got Tony's full attention now. It can only mean one thing: gossip. Though, they never gossip, of course. They are men, well, at least, Tony is. And men don't gossip, they _talk_. McGee looks around, making sure that no one, especially Gibbs, is within earshot.

"Spill," Tony says.  
"Well, I don't really have anything to spill, really. Just observed something."  
"Ooh, McMonitor, come on, tell me."  
"Well, I think… I think Ziva's seeing someone."  
Tony stares at him. He hasn't expected that. Alone thinking about that possibility makes him cringe.  
"What… what makes you think so?"  
"Well, she has been looking tired lately, don't you think? Plus, today she's wearing the same clothes as she did yesterday."

Tony smiles softly and inevitable sighs relieved. So that is what this is about. McGee is right of course, she is indeed wearing the same clothes. Last night, he and Ziva had fallen asleep without having set the alarm clock. Logically, they overslept and Ziva didn't have the time to drive to her apartment first. So they just decided to drive to work together. They haven't thought about it much but now Tony can see that maybe they should have done so. But then again, they don't really have anything to hide.

"So, what do you think?" McGee diverts his thoughts.  
"Ah, I don't know… I don't think it means anything."  
McGee's face mirrors so much disbelief that Tony has to try really hard not to burst out laughing.  
"Why aren't you bothered about that?"  
"Why should I? Maybe she just ran out of clean clothing this morning. Besides, this is Ziva's private life we're talking about. I'm not going to be nosy."  
McGee's mouth hangs slightly open and he stares at him. Tony enjoys seeing him like that. Probie is speechless. Priceless.  
"But… but why?"  
"Just because…," Tony trails off, watching Ziva step out of the elevator holding three cartons of pizza.  
Happy for an excuse not to explain his lack of curiosity to McGee, Tony turns around, helping Ziva with the food.

Later that day, Tony feels like they are being watched. He can feel McGee glancing at him and Ziva alternately every few minutes and Abby has showed up unusual often today. Of course, McGee had to run off to Abby telling her that something is up. It makes Tony strangely happy to be in the middle of attention. He is not going to give anything away for now. This is just too much fun to spoil it. It is going to drive Abby crazy not knowing what is up. And sure enough, only a few minutes later, Ziva's phone is ringing.  
"Agent David."  
Pause.  
"Okay, Abby. I'll be right there."

Ziva smiles at him, obviously having caught up what this is all about, and then disappears into the elevator. In the meantime, Tony leans back in his chair, stifling a yawn. He hadn't thought that this day would turn out to be so much fun.

At night, he had barely been able to sleep. Every thirty minutes or so, he would wake up, just to check on Ziva. She had been asleep every time Tony looked at her but he still hadn't been able to shrug off the oppressive thought about Ziva having nightmares about Somalia. He has always suspected that beating her up wasn't the only thing they, or rather Saleem, did to her. Alone thinking about what he may have done, makes Tony ball his fits. If it's only half as bad as Tony thinks, it would still be enough to beat the crap out of him. But that's too late now, Saleem's dead of course.  
Tony feels remorse creeping up his body. Basically, all of this has been his fault. If he hadn't killed Rivkin, Ziva would have never returned to Mossad, would have never gone to Somalia to find Saleem and the bastard never would have had the chance to hold her hostage.  
The only thing he does not regret was rescuing her and telling her that he wasn't able to live without her. Just because it was the truth, still is. It strikes him only now that McGee has never asked him about that. Normally, that would be one of those things that McGee would notice and never stop interrogating him about. This is slightly odd. But then again, everything about McGee is slightly odd.  
Speaking of odd, Ziva is now returning from Abby's lab with a weird expression on her face. As Tony looks closer at her, it seems to be a mixture of horrifying disbelief and the urge not to burst out laughing. As Tony catches her eye, she smiles at him mischievously. Oh yes, he's going to ask her about Abby. And he would make her talk. With a smile, Tony finally draws his attention back to his paperwork.

* * *

"So," Tony asks a little while later, after he has followed her into the women's room in order to catch her alone. "What did Abby say to make you look so horrified?"  
"It was not exactly what she said but how she did it," Ziva chuckled, seemingly completely at ease.  
"Don't leave me hanging here. Tell me," Tony exclaims, smiling at her.  
"Yeah, well… first Abby was like, 'Come on, I know you have something to hide' and all that. At the beginning, I didn't even know what she was talking about, but then she said that I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and then I knew what this was all about. So she asked me about any recent love affairs… well, you know, Abby wouldn't stop asking until I give her at least something. So I told her that I haven't been sleeping at home tonight. I mean I didn't even lie about that, did I? But then she got mad at me because I refused to tell her where I was."

Tony shakes his head, grinning broadly. Ziva has finally caught up with him, playing pranks on other people. It makes him smile seeing Ziva so cheerful, even laughing like nothing has ever happened. Like it is still last spring, when everything was perfect…

"So, anyway, you know how Abby gets, when she's missing something. So she tried to bring me out of my hell…"  
"Shell, Ziva," Tony interrupts.  
"Shell, whatever. Suddenly she asked about you and why you don't seem to care at all. I mean, how am I supposed to know what you are thinking? Consequently, I remained silent. Abby kept on staring at me and then, I could almost see the penny beginning to drop. Suddenly she screamed 'You and Tony! I knew it, I knew it.' And then she hugged me, mumbling that she's so happy about this. Then I had to stop the insanity. I admitted that I was indeed over at your place tonight but I told her that we only watched a movie and then went to bed. I think she was really disappointed."

Tony merely smiles and Ziva does the same but the expression on her face tells him that her thoughts are already someplace else.  
"What's up?" Tony asks. "What are you thinking about?"  
"Nothing really, I just… why was Abby so certain that it was you. I mean that I was dating you? Abby made it seem like it was so obvious."  
She looks up at him. As he looks into her eyes now, he finally is able to see a distant spark in them.  
"I mean," she continues after a little break and oddly enough, her voice is only a whisper now. "It was like she has been waiting for it. That it was only a matter of time. But we haven't done anything. Ever. This is just crazy, right?"  
"Absolutely crazy, yeah," Tony slowly replies in a whisper.  
He suddenly realizes that she is standing abnormally close to him. He is unable to pull his eyes away from hers. He continues to stare into them and Ziva doesn't back away either.  
"Or maybe it's not that crazy at all," he finally whispers, moving even closer.  
Their noses are nearly touching but he feels unable to close the gap between them now. He realizes he has stopped breathing. Then, all of a sudden he can feel Ziva's lips on his and the world around him doesn't matter anymore.


	5. You untie, I'll rip a seam

**A/N: Hey you guys, thanks to all those reviewed... I like that :) Thanks to those how favorited and alerted this story, too. Leave a comment once in a while if you want, just so I know, this thingy here is read! :)**

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_**Chapter Five: You untie, I'll rip a seam**_

Then, all of a sudden, he can feel Ziva's lips on his and the world around him doesn't matter anymore. All that is important are her lips. So warm, so soft, so sweet. He draws her closer to him, his hands resting on her waist. He feels Ziva's hands slowly gripping his hair on the back of his head. As he tries to open her lips with his tongue, she doesn't hesitate but lets him in. Their tongues are circling each other now, like there is no tomorrow. Tony doesn't know how long they're standing there, just appreciating each other, clinging to each other.  
As they finally break apart, slightly panting, he sees that Ziva's face is a little red which makes her even more alluring.  
He gives her a smile, hoping that it says everything he wants to tell her. How long he has been waiting for this to happen. How he doesn't want to ever let go off her. How he's hers.

Ziva looks him into his eyes. They are slightly shining now, though Tony doesn't know the reason for that. For a short moment, their noses graze.  
"Tony, what are we doing?"  
"It's a little something that I like to call _neshika_," Tony replies, using the Hebrew word for kiss.  
Ziva looks up, surprise mirroring in her face.  
"How?" She pauses, "why?"  
"Why I know that word, Ziva?"  
Tony ponders if he should tell her or not. But he decides just to do it. He has already given up pretending that she's just a colleague and nothing more, so why stop now?"  
"Well, I've been studying Hebrew for a while now."  
"I can see that. But why?"  
"Why? Because of you, Ziva. Because I want to understand you whenever you're cursing, or when you are in a bad mood, muttering to yourself or whenever you're happy or whenever you're singing a Hebrew nursery rhyme. You know, it's stuff like that, I want to understand."  
As he looks at Ziva know, there is that shimmer in her eyes again, just like she is about to cry. She tries to give him a smile, but fails miserably.  
Biting her lip, she asks again, "But why?"  
"Well, because I want to understand. I want to understand my little ninja."

Ziva just remains staring at him. Tony can't place her expression. Has he said too much? Shouldn't he have told her?  
He tries to smile but before is even able move a muscle, Ziva's lips crash against his. This time their kiss is fierce, demanding and yet sweet and soft. All his doubts are suddenly gone. Gone to a place where he hopefully will never find them again. Many moments pass. How many he can't tell and it doesn't matter.

"We should probably go back. They're going to miss us," Tony finally says, panting.  
"You're right. You go first. Or they will suspect."  
Ziva's smile flashes.  
As Tony is about to unlock the door, he turns around for the last time.  
"Hey, Ziva? Are you coming over tonight? You know, to… to talk."  
"Sure, I have to go anyhow. Remember, my car's still at your place."  
"Right," Tony gives her another smile then, he's out the door.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. He doesn't pay McGee any attention whenever he tries to talk to him. He "Yes, boss"-es Gibbs, whenever he's looking angrily at him. Luckily, Abby still seems to be in sulking mood, so she's not bothering him. Whenever he's sure that no one would notice, he casts a glance at Ziva, wondering what she's thinking about. She seems more relaxed than before. At least, she's not jumping whenever the elevator comes to a halt. From time to time, she catches him staring at her. Whenever that happens, she only smiles at him. His heart rate always goes up and there is nothing he can do about that. At the end of the day, he hasn't gotten any work done but he couldn't care less. Coincidently or so it seems, he and Ziva leave work together. The elevator ride is silent, as is the drive home. Tony hangs in thoughts, thinking about what happened in the bathroom and all the things he still has to tell her. The silence doesn't strike him as uncomfortable. It gives them time. Gives them time to separate work from what is about to come up.

When they are finally in his apartment, he offers her a beer and then they sit down on his couch. At least, one thing that is familiar in all that is new. Tony doesn't really know how to start the conversation. He awkwardly sips his beer.  
"Interesting day, huh?" He finally tries.  
"Definitely, yeah."  
Again, there is silence. He looks closely at her. She has let her hair down again, causing her curls to swing up and down whenever she moves her head. He likes it like that. Ziva looks wilder then. He likes wild Ziva. Once again, he stretches out his hand, catching one of her curls and plays with it, absent-mindedly. He could sit there for hours, doing nothing but to look at her. But he realizes after a while that he should do something to get a conversation going. He knows that they have to talk. There are so many important things that still have to be discussed. He sighs, triggering Ziva to look up at him.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, Ziva," he smiles. "I just don't know where to start."  
"Well, how about that?"  
She unexpectedly leans forward and kisses him again. He can't seem to get enough off her. All the thoughts, worries about what may come, fly out the window again. He doesn't have to worry about anything, as long as she's sitting here, kissing him like that.  
After a while, he reluctantly lets go off her and slides backwards ever so slightly. They will never get any talking done, sitting so close together, touching each other.  
"Ziva, Ziva," he whispers, looking at her once more. "We really have to talk."  
"Yeah, I know," she laughs.

"So, then let's talk," Tony says, intentionally making her to take the first step.  
"Well, I don't know, Tony. But I feel, uh, that I am surprised at us. We are breaking several rules right now, not to mention Rule number twelve, but somehow I couldn't care less. But what happens, if the others find out? Gibbs will kill us. Maybe we'll just keep it a secret for a while?"  
"We can do that. But remember Abby today, that's not going to be easy."  
"But we can try, right?"  
Tony looks closely at her. Her tone is too sincere somehow.  
"Ziva, are you afraid that anyone could find out? Or is it just you're not sure about this? About us?"  
"Tony, whatever this is what we're doing here, I am sure about us."  
She looks him into his eyes and he can feel his heart melt. He's becoming a softy, but he doesn't care.  
"Glad to hear that because I want you to know that I'm in, all in."

Ziva's smile flashes once again, but then her face becomes darker somehow. Cryptic. Tony can't quite put the finger on it, but it seems like a bad thought has reached her mind and she can't get rid of it. Finally, she says  
"Can I ask you for one thing, though? Can we take it slow? You know, with everything? Not just waiting to tell the others but with us in general, too? You know to figure us out, completely."  
"Ziva, take all the time you need."  
"And in order to do that, how about, yet another, movie? _The Shining_? That's not romantic at all. It'll take our minds off things," Tony suggests.  
"Done deal," Ziva says, smile flashing.


	6. Take a bow and strike the stage

**A/N: I'm kinda sad, you know. Over 300 hits but only 2 reviews? I appreciate any feedback, good or bad. It's getting none that is too bad ;-) Thanks to those two who reviewed though! Made my day. Okay, without further ado... here we go:**

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_**Chapter Six: Take a bow and strike the stage**_

As Tony wakes up the next morning his bed feels empty and cold. Before he even opens his eyes, he knows that she's not lying beside him anymore. The warmth that she has been radiating in the night is gone now.  
They had gone to bed right after _Shining_ and had just lain there, looking at each other, talking to each other about nothing really. From time to time they would lean towards each other and kiss but besides that nothing happened. He is kind of uncertain whether he likes the whole 'taking it slow' thing or not. On the one hand, he's barely able to refrain from just ripping her clothes off her body, to touch her, kiss her, feel her everywhere. But on the other hand, he knows that they cannot do that. They can't cross that line just yet. Not now when everything is still in the open, when they have to be careful what they say and do because they will be watched by McGee, Abby and Gibbs. They can't cross that line now when they are not certain that it will work out. Tony fervently hopes that it will work out. He has to make it work because without Ziva, he's a lesser man and he knows it. This is his one chance and he doesn't want to blow it. Can't blow it. No, he's not going to blow it.

He finally opens his eyes and he has been right before. Ziva isn't there anymore. An uncomfortable feeling spreads inside of him. Has she already realized that she has made a mistake? Is she already sick of him? Tony sighs and sits up, glancing at his alarm clock. He still has an hour before he has to get up. But now he's wide awake, so he stands up and takes a shower, still thinking what he has done wrong to make Ziva leave without saying goodbye. But as he enters the kitchen in order to eat a quick breakfast, a small piece of paper, lying on the table, catches his eye.

_Yakiri,  
Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up. But I have to go to my apartment, need fresh clothes or Abby will freak later.  
See you in a bit.  
Z._

The worries that pained him only seconds ago are all gone at a single blow. He smiles, rereading Ziva's note. She called him _Yakiri_, which basically means 'darling'. So she hasn't changed her mind. That's really good, awesome.  
Tony gulps down his toast and hurries to get to work, somehow not able to wait any longer to get there.  
"Top of the morning to you, McGee," he greets his colleague when he finally arrives at the office, grinning broadly.  
McGee just looks at him, cocking his eyebrows. He seems to be disgruntled somehow.  
"What's wrong, Tony?" he asks irritated.  
"Nothing's wrong, McSourpuss. Am I not allowed to be in a good mood?"  
"Of course you are. It's just that everyone else's good mood will disappear within seconds when you're having a good day. Pranks do that to people."  
Tony looks at him, slightly confused but decides to let it pass. He would nobody let ruin his day. He makes a mental note though that he would be nicer to McGee today, just to prove him wrong. He has barely sat down at his desk as Ziva arrives. She, too, seems to be in a very good mood, smiling at him when he catches her eye.  
"Good morning Tim, Tony," she just says before sitting down and starting work, but not without another look and smile at Tony.

* * *

"Guys, guys, guys!" Abby runs excitedly towards them, a few hours later.  
"Guess what? You all have to come to the _Lux Lounge _with me tonight. We have to celebrate. The nuns and I have won yesterday and as they are not likely to party with me tonight, you have to come. Besides, it's a Friday night, so cancel your dates and come. It'll be so much fun."  
Tony inevitably has to smile, seeing the excitement mirroring on Abby's face. She really is one happy Goth.  
"Actually, I have a date tonight," he says, casting a quick glance at Ziva. "I will, however, cancel for you."  
"Tony, you're awesome," Abby squeals, giving him one of her famous bear hugs.  
"I'm in, too," Ziva says, obviously relieved that Abby seems to have forgotten about the little incident yesterday. As McGee decides to join them two, Abby seems to be the happiest person on earth, smiling broadly at them and then she disappears into her lab again.  
Tony is not sure whether he's happy about going to the club tonight or not. While he usually likes his beer and dancing, he is a little uncertain whether he really wants to go clubbing tonight. He has been looking forward to spend yet another evening alone with Ziva, watching a movie, playing with her hair, talking to her, kissing her. He now will not be able to do so. But now it's too late anyhow and he would make the best out of it.

* * *

Many hours later, Tony finds himself leaning against the bar, holding a bottle of beer in his hands and desperately trying to remain standing. He can't remember when he has last been that wasted. Must be the good old college days, for sure. Abby had greeted them, already with four shots of tequila in front of her waiting for them to be downed. As the night had gotten older, it was getting slightly ridiculous. Tony's level of drunkenness would make any senior in college proud and as he is looking at Abby now, who's just dancing wildly with McGee, the others can't be better off than him. As he turns around to order another beer, he suddenly faces Ziva. She, too, seems to be tipsy.  
"Fancy dancing with me?" She just shouts over the loud music.  
"Sure, Yakirati."  
Her smile flashes again and Tony's heart inevitably skips a beat. He takes Ziva by the hand and leads her to the dance floor. They start out dancing awkwardly, trying to get in sync with each other. The music starts to really get to him and he is once again reminded of how drunk they both are. But he doesn't really care. This is actually fun. The music is too loud to understand a word, so he just dances with her, limbs loose, moving his hips with hers, desperately trying not to touch her. But then she looks up into his eyes and he can feel her breath, hot and intermingling with his. Heat seems to be radiating from her and Tony's suddenly aware how attractive he finds her. He gives up not touching her. His hands are on her waist now, pulling her even closer to him. He knows that he is too drunk to think clearly anymore. He doesn't care anymore that there are people there. He doesn't care that Ziva is literally driving him crazy. He doesn't care that Abby and McGee are there somewhere and they could easily catch them. He just doesn't care anymore. His mouth is meeting hers now, tongues begin to circle, his brain is shutting off. They just break apart as the song ends, looking at each other, coming up for air. It is only when Ziva breaks their eye-contact and glances behind him with a shocked expression that Tony comes back to his senses. He slowly turns around just to see Abby and Tim standing there, staring at them, mouths slightly hanging open.


	7. Hearts don't break even

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews :) As I probably won't be able to update anything this weekend I just decided to already put this chapter up. Thanks for reading!**

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_**Chapter Seven: Hearts don't break even**_

_It is only when Ziva breaks their eye-contact and glances behind him with a shocked expression that Tony comes back to his senses. He slowly turns around just to see Abby and Tim standing there, staring at them, mouths slightly hanging open._

Tony curses loudly, causing Ziva to look up at him. Best laid plans, huh? He looks back at Abby and McGee who are still standing there, staring at them with disbelieving faces. If this wasn't so serious, Tony would laugh at them. He gulps and with a quick glance at Ziva, he walks, no, he sways towards them.

"Tony, what the hell are you doing?" McGee shouts over the still blaring music.  
"Look," Tony starts, a feeling of nausea already washing over him. "This is not what it looks like. We're not…"  
He looks at Abby and instantly becomes silent. Her face is slightly distorted but she's not staring at him but at a point right behind him. Before he has the chance to turn around, Abby hisses,  
"I asked you about Tony and you… and you looked me in the eye and lied to me, Ziva."  
"No, Abby. Abby, I did not," he could hear Ziva's voice over the music.

But with a withering stare at both of them, Abby turns around, leaving them standing there. McGee merely shrugs, but he also has a kind of disapproving expression on his face. Then he hastens to catch up with Abby and they leave the club together. Tony just remains standing there. The music is still too loud to think and all the alcohol isn't making anything easier. But he knows that this is not good. Not good at all. As much as he enjoyed all the dancing, all the kisses, all the Ziva, as much does he want to get along with Abby. For heaven's sake, he even didn't like the look on McGee's face, looking like a lost puppy. He just doesn't know what to do, say next. So he just takes Ziva by the hand, leading her out the club. Once outside, he has even more trouble standing, stumbling to the next available wall to lean against. He can feel Ziva beside him doing the same thing.

"What do we do now? Should we drive by Abby's place?" She asks.  
"I don't think so. Let her cool off, I think," Tony stops talking, taking a deep breath as nausea hits him again.  
"We should probably just go home. Things will look different in the morning."  
"You sure?"  
"No, not at all."  
Ziva lets out a soft chuckle.  
"Tony, we shouldn't have done that."  
"Oh, believe me, I know." He says, grinning sheepishly. "But it was so much fun, wasn't it?"  
"Kind of," Ziva replies teasingly.  
"Kind of?" He repeats after her and then leans forward to kiss her again.  
He would show her 'kind of'.

"Am I right," Tony continues, "that your apartment is somewhere nearby in, let's say, walking distance?"  
"Yes, you are right, Tony."  
"So… let's shall?"  
"Yes," Ziva simply replies, taking his hand, leading him home.

Once they arrive at Ziva's apartment, they just start off where they stopped on the dance floor. Tony holding her close by his side. Kissing her, nipping at her neck. Stumbling with her to the bed. For a split of a second he remembers that they wanted to take it slow but then Ziva finds his lips with hers and all the worries are gone again. He throws her on the bed, suddenly unable to stop himself anymore. He's laying on top of her now, breaths intermingling, kisses are exchanged. It's already mind-blowing and they haven't even really started, yet.  
But as he is about to strip the skirt off of her thighs, he suddenly feels Ziva stiffen underneath him. He looks down to her face and sees that all the passion, that it had held only a few seconds ago, has completely disappeared. He can't place Ziva's look but as he looks into her eyes now, he can see the shimmer and he's sure that it is not the alcohol. Is she about to cry? He remembers that sad look in the eyes. It's the same he has seen right after Somalia. He quickly lets go off her and rolls to her side, worrying.  
"Zi? Are you alright?"  
"Tony…," she starts, clearly swallowing her tears, "Tony, this is not a good idea. We… I… can't. I'm sorry."  
Tony is sobered up within seconds. He sits up, trying to take Ziva's hand but she turns away from him.  
"Ziva, Ziva," he whispers, "What's wrong? Is it me? Have I done something wrong?"  
"No, Tony. It's me. I can't… this is not going to work. Ever. Please… please go."  
"Ziva," Tony tries again but Ziva cuts him off.  
"Go."

As Tony looks at her now he can see that she really wants him to go. His insides freeze. He doesn't know why and what triggered all of this but he knows he has to go. He quickly searches for his things that lie scattered around in her apartment. As he is almost out the door, he turns around again, seeing that Ziva is still sitting on her bed, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. It breaks his heart seeing her like that. This is not right. But he can't bring himself to go back again, instead he closes the door from the other side and then he is standing in the freezing wind outside. He's not sure what to do now. In the end he just decides to walk home. It'll take him possibly an hour but he doesn't care. He tries to clear his head. He just doesn't get it. Everything was perfectly fine, well, except for the Abby thing, but Ziva and he were totally in sync. There was nothing that could have given him a clue that this night would end the way it did. He sighs, desperately trying to ignore the knot around his heart.

* * *

The shrill sound of his cell phone wakes him up the next morning. As he moves his head he can literally feel his brain shifting. _Damn tequilas._ As he looks at the caller ID, he sighs. No, not again. No work on a Saturday.  
"Yeah, Boss?"  
"We got a dead sailor in Norfolk. Crime scene is already been taken care of but I need you in the office.  
"But…"  
"Pronto, DiNozzo."  
"On it, Boss."

Half an hour later, Tony walks into the office. His head is still giving him hell, despite the aspirin he has taken before. But the pain in his head is nothing in comparison to that in his heart as he realizes that there is no Ziva in sight. He has barely sat down at his desk as Gibbs strolls in, glaring at him.  
"Rules are here for a reason, DiNozzo."  
Tony's heart skips a beat. How in the world could he already know? It just happened a few hours ago. He knows Gibbs is good, but not that good. He decides to play it innocent.  
"What Boss?"  
"Rule Number 14: Don't let show that you're drunk."  
Tony sighs relieved. He's glad that Gibbs' omniscience is not working for once.  
"Sorry, Gibbs. Okay, not apologizing either. Rule Number 6. I know."  
He gets head-slapped causing his head to hurt even more.  
"Where's Ziva?" He finally asks.  
"Apparently today is the day of rule breaking," Gibbs growls.  
"Never be unreachable?"  
Gibbs just nods, seemingly wanting to add something but Tony's phone interrupts him.  
"DiNozzo."  
"Abby here. Can you come done for a second?"  
"Sure."

Sighing he makes his way down to Abby's lab. He's not sure whether he will be able to stand a lecture from Abby right now. But he has no choice and if he can choose between Abby and Gibbs, he's always going to pick Abby. However, he immediately regrets his decision as he sees the look on her face now and her hands on her hips.

"Abby," he starts before she can even open her mouth. "I'm not in the mood. Really not in the mood."  
"You're not in the mood? Do you think I care, Tony? Not only did you hide your relationship from me, no, both of you lied to me. When you can't tell me who you're going to talk to? Don't you trust me? Don't you believe that I would be happy for you? Do think that I would run off to Gibbs that you two broke Rule Number 12? I'm really disappointed in you, Tony. I know it might not be the easiest thing - relationship - to talk about but I thought I was your friend. Doesn't that count for anything?"

Tony lowers his head. Abby is right of course, at least kind of. But it doesn't matter anyhow.  
"Weren't you going to tell me?"  
"Abby, I… don't bother, okay? It's not important anymore, okay?" Tony says, his tone clearly down-hearted.  
"Tony, what's wrong?"

For the first time it seems, Abby is looking closely at him. The anger mirroring on her face slowly gives way to concern.  
"It's… I don't know. I think we already broke up."  
"What?"


	8. But no wise words gonna stop the bleedin

**A/N: Thanks, again, for all the reviews :) I wish I could say that I like the next chapter but somehow I just can't. It's a transisting one, again. I hope you like it anyways...**

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_**Chapter Eight: But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding**_

Tony's sitting at his desk, head in his hands, desperately trying to get rid of that evil headache that he's still having. The case of the dead sailor in Norfolk is leading nowhere until now. McGee appeared an hour after he had come back from Abby's lab but didn't say anything about yesterday night. Apparently, he has already talked to Abby. Unlikely for Abby, she hasn't asked him any questions about why Ziva isn't here and why Tony thinks that they're already broken up. She has just given him one of her famous bear-hugs and then shuffled him back into the office.

"Tony, can you try calling Ziva again?"  
"Sure, Boss."  
Tony dials her number for the fourth time today. For the first time, he's not directed to her voicemail. Tony counts the rings. Already six now. Then, finally,  
"Tony, I do not wish to talk."  
"Ziva, it's not about yesterday. It's about work. We've been trying to reach you for hours now. You have to come to the office."  
"Okay, I will be there shortly."  
Then, there's a click and Ziva is gone again. Tony sighs. He voice was oddly off and he has to admit, cold. He tries to remember every single situation from yesterday night. He wonders if he has missed anything that made her throw him out in the middle of the night. But he can't come up with anything. He hasn't done anything wrong – for once.

As he looks up, he can see Gibbs staring at him. He can't place his look but he knows that it's not good. His blue eyes are piercing him, he furrows a brow. Tony immediately lets his eyes drop, furiously hitting the buttons on the keyboard. He wouldn't give anything away to Gibbs.  
Almost an hour later, Ziva finally arrives. Her hair is carelessly pulled into a ponytail and she hasn't even bothered to get any make-up on. Tony immediately sees the wariness in her eyes. But before he is able to say anything, he hears Gibbs' voice coming down the stairs.  
"Jeez, Ziva, DiNozzo. Where the hell have you been yesterday? You both stink like a truckload of tequilas."  
Tony just casts a glance at Ziva, whose cheeks are a bit red.  
"I don't know about Ziva but I had a fun night out, dancing, drinking and stuff."  
"Oh and I'm sure, I don't want to know what that 'stuff' was," Gibbs says, "So keep on working, you're going nowhere if you can't find me at least something. Understood?"  
"Yes, Boss."

At the end of the day, Tony thinks that it was the longest day in his life. He tried to concentrate on work but he couldn't help but stare at Ziva every few minutes, just to make sure that he doesn't miss anything. She, however, hasn't given away anything. She just kept on sitting there, working, like nothing ever happened. Not once has she looked up, though Tony was sure that she was well aware that he was staring at her. His headache has slowly faded away but only to stress the stinging pain in his chest, in his heart.  
As Ziva finally packs up her stuff and stands up, Tony hastens to follow her. He is just able to catch the elevator before the doors close in front of him. He can hear Ziva sigh but doesn't care.

"Ziva, I think we have to talk."  
"There is nothing to talk about, Tony," Ziva replies, avoiding any eye contact.  
Tony reaches over, pressing the emergency button. He waits for the elevator to stand still, waits for the lights to darken. Yet, he isn't exactly sure what to say to her. He still doesn't know whether he owes her an apology or not. Or whether she owes him one.  
"Ziva," he starts, "I don't know what happened yesterday but whatever it was, I'm ready to apologize or accept one or whatever. I'm ready."  
Ziva says nothing. She doesn't even look at him, instead she seems to be very interested in one of her curls. But Tony sees that she's tense, even guarded.  
"You have to give me something, Ziva. Just… anything," he begs.  
"There is nothing I can give you," she replies, still not looking at him. "This thing… you and me… it was just a bad idea. I just don't want to break apart the team. Stop it, before we get in too deep."

Tony stands still for a moment, thinking. Is this really what it is all about? About the team? They have already talked about that, reassuring each other that it won't be a problem, once Gibbs knows. Additionally, Tony already knows that he is in too deep and that he wouldn't get out of this thing in any time soon. He wouldn't let her go that easily. Not this time, when he's finally ready to commit. No, he wouldn't let her. He just wouldn't let her.

"No, Ziva," he shakes his head while raising her chin with one of his fingers, so that Ziva has no other choice but to look at him.  
"It wasn't a bad idea and you know it. Whatever it is that I've done wrong, just tell me. I'll never do it again. Ever."  
Ziva's face still doesn't give anything away. Her eyes however are glistening.  
"Tony, don't do this. This is not going to work."  
"But why? What makes you think so? Just give me one reason, Ziva."  
"It is because, I do not… cannot do this with you."  
"Ziva? I thought we talked about that. And I know that we wanted to take it slow. And I also know that I rushed you yesterday night. And I'm sorry about that, too."  
"You didn't rush me, Tony. I wanted it as much as you did."  
"So?"  
"It is just… how can I be sure that I can trust you… with everything?"

Tony inevitably takes a step backwards. So she doesn't trust him. His stomach feels like he was just being punched. Very, very hard. He doesn't know what to say, do. He's not even able to look at her. Is this still about the Rivkin thing? Is this still about letting her go in Tel Aviv? He doesn't understand it.

"Look, Ziva. _Slicha_. I'm sorry. If this is about Rivkin or Tel Aviv, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have let you stay there. I should have dragged you onto that plane. I should have dragged you away from four father, from Mossad. I know I should have. But I can't change that anymore. I wish I could, but I can't. And to answer your question, you never can be sure if you can trust me. But I'm begging you to try. I know all the men you trusted have ended up betraying you. Eli, Rivkin, Ari. But I'm not like them. I'm just not like them. I don't know what I can do to show you that. But I never, Ziva, I never let you down before. And I'm not planning to do so in the future, either. And I will not just simply give up on you. Even if you say now that you don't want to be with me, I'll always be here. Like it or not, I'm not going anywhere."

He catches his breath now. During this speech he has looked straight into her eyes, but now he avoids any eye contact. He wants to give her time to let his words sink in. He doesn't know if his little speech makes any difference. But he has told the truth. He wouldn't go anywhere, at least not without her.


	9. They say bad things happen for a reason

**A/N: Hey :) Thanks again for all the reviews, keep them coming :) **

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_**Chapter Nine: They say bad things happen for a reason**_

Ziva looks up at him and he can see a single tear escaping her eyes. He has never seen her cry before. It pains him more than he had thought it would. To see Ziva standing there, looking lost and vulnerable, is hard to bear. He closes the gap between them and wraps his arms around her. He's relieved to notice that Ziva is not trying to get away from him. Instead she buries her head in his chest, breathing deeply. He doesn't know how long they are standing there. But he knows that it can go on forever. Just feeling her in his arms, smelling the slight note of perfume lingering on her, touching her. It would be sufficient for the rest of his life.

As they finally break apart, he's able to see that Ziva seems to be better although her expression is still blue, gloomy. They will need to talk, Tony knows that. But not here, not now.  
"Hey," he softly says, "How about a pizza at my place? I think we need to get out of here or otherwise Gibbs will be pissed because we're occupying his office."  
His attempt to lighten the mood seems to work. Ziva gives him a half-smile and presses the emergency button. The lights flicker back to life, the elevator is beginning to move again.

* * *

"I don't think I can move. I'll never eat a single pizza in my whole life again," Tony complains almost an hour later, sitting on his couch, feet up on the coffee table.  
"Yes, of course. Only tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that."  
"That's probably true," he grins goofily.

They have been eating in almost complete silence since they sat down on the couch but now that the silence is broken, Tony decides to just dive in, talk to her.  
"Ziva?" He carefully starts, causing her to look at him.  
"What was it that triggered the whole thing last night? I know about taking it slow and stuff. But we were just so… so in sync. I just figured you would have stopped me before, you know."  
"I know, Tony. It did not… You did not do anything wrong. It was all me, okay?"  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"You will not let me off the look anyhow, yes?"  
"Hook, Ziva. And no, I won't. Don't get me wrong. If you don't wish to tell me, then it's okay. It's just… I really think you need to talk. You're not the Ziva that I used to know a year ago, you're not the Ziva that… that made me fall in love with her. You're changed. I'm not saying that I don't like the new Ziva. It's just… you're so different and I'd like to know why. Maybe I can help you."

Many moments of silence follow his statement. Tony can nearly see her inner battle, her struggle to find the right words. He waits patiently, playing with one of her curls. Finally, Ziva turns around to face him, brown eyes locking into green ones.

"Back in Somalia," she hesitantly starts, "It wasn't easy. I know you think that I'm a trained assassin, knowing no fear, no angst. But those weeks were just… horrible. At first, I tried to fight back, be the smart-ass. But then I realized that I had no chance. I realized that no one would come to rescue me. I mean, my father had sent me to die there and I knew that. And I've left you, NCIS behind without even saying goodbye. I figured that you wouldn't want to rescue me. In fact, I still wonder why you did. I did not deserve to be rescued. After a while being there, I've just given up. I didn't talk to Saleem anymore. I didn't beg him to let me go anymore. I didn't fight back when he hit me, when he…"

Ziva stops talking for a few moments, looking away from Tony, seemingly in a whole different place. When her eyes finally meet his again, he can see them glistening. But before he can say anything, she just takes his hand and continues.

"And then, I just let myself go. I tried to erase the memories about my life. Partly, so that I wouldn't be able to tell Saleem anything that could hurt the persons I loved and partly because I did not wish to think about what I'd lost. I did not wish to think about the mistakes that brought me there. I just chose to not think at all. After a while I was just ready to die. Tony, all I wanted was to die. I did not hope for anyone to find me, I did not hope for Saleem to set me free, I just wanted to die. And I think, part of me had died already before you came. As Saleem came to bring me to you and Tim, I thought he had thought of just another misery to put me through. I just let him drag me to that room."

Tony suddenly remembers that she was indeed not even struggling when Saleem had forced her to sit down. It had seemed odd but after he had seen her again, he had completely forgotten about that.

"As he pulled that cloth off of my head and I saw you, I wasn't even happy. I was devastated, Tony because you came to take revenge. A revenge that was not necessary. I was so shocked to see you there. I thought you came there on a suicide mission and it was all my fault. I made you do this. I made you sacrifice your life. And for what? Just to find that I was already dead. That my mind, my heart, my soul weren't alive anymore. I realize now that I am, indeed, not dead. That I enjoy being alive… being with you. I just could not back then."

Tony can see tears streaming down her cheeks now, dripping from her nose, her lips. He tries to wipe them away with his hands but he realizes that it is a lost battle. So, he just pulls an arm around her, stroking her hair, desperately trying to console her.

His mind, however, is racing. He doesn't know where to start. He's indescribably angry at Saleem, at Eli, at Somalia for imprisoning her. He's even a bit angry at Ziva that she doesn't think she deserved to be rescued. He's angry at himself that it took him so long to find her and hence made all of this happen. And he's sad. He can't even form the words that would describe his sadness. Poor Ziva. He has already known that she has suffered a lot but not like that. He hadn't known that she was ready to die. No, that she wanted to die…

"Ziva," he finally begins to talk when she has calmed down a bit.  
"Listen to me, if I would save anyone on that planet it would be you. You can't screw up bad enough. You just can't, you understand that? And… yes, you've left us but only physically. Don't you think that we all thought about you a lot? Don't you think that I was going crazy because I was the reason you had chosen to go back to Mossad? When you think that you didn't deserve to be rescued, there's got to be something seriously wrong in that pretty head of yours because everybody loves you here and if that's not reason enough, I don't know what is."

He realizes now that Ziva has finally stopped crying. She is looking at him, with a smile so soft that Tony's heart instantly skips a beat. He places a short but soft kiss on her lips, drawing her closer to him, hoping that he would never have to let go off her ever again.


	10. And though my edge is maybe rough

**A/N: Nothing much to say here... The next chapter is just fluff, I guess. But it was time for a little bit of that, right? ;) Thanks for the reviews... keep them coming. Cheers!**

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_**Chapter Ten: And though my edge is may be rough**_

As Tony is lying in his bed hours later with Ziva softly snoring beside him, he still hasn't grasped all the news. He's still happy that Ziva is lying there now, back in his arms, back in his heart. But it still doesn't feel right. He doesn't quite know what exactly is so wrong. He's glad that she has confided in him, telling him about Somalia and her fears but he still can't shake of the oppressive thought that she hasn't told him everything. There is still something that she's hiding from him, from the world, but Tony just doesn't know what it is. He's not even sure whether he wants to know but then again, if he wants to truly understand Ziva, he has to know.

But as he looks at her now, sleeping peacefully, he can't help but smile. He has thought about getting together with her for months now, maybe even years. He knows that he has almost been too late, losing her to Rivkin. And he regrets it deeply. He just couldn't see a way to get into her heart then and afterwards, it was even more messed up. He would never forget the look on her face in Tel Aviv as she told him that she might have loved him. He had been sure then that he has lost her forever. And though he has known back then that he had done the right thing, he couldn't help but regret it as he had seen the look on her face as she was watching Rivkin die in her arms. He had been sure that she would never forgive him. But still, there she was lying now, cuddled in his arms like nothing ever happened.

Right at that moment he can see her twitching lightly, her eyelids flutter. Apparently, she's dreaming, hopefully not about Somalia or Saleem. Maybe she's even dreaming of him. Tony still stares intently at her, but she doesn't give more away for now. He muses about the last couple of days and how quickly everything changed. From their first innocent movie nights to their first kiss in the ladies' room at work to that fateful drunken night and now to her sleeping besides him in his bed. They've come a long way in only a few days. He knows that they can't keep up the pace but doesn't really know how to keep things slow. They have to tell Abby and McGee soon enough. They already know that they are up to something but they don't know anything specific. And of course there is still Gibbs and Tony has no clue how he will react. Though he sees Gibbs as a kind of father figure, he knows that he will be pissed if he finds out. He knows that Gibbs has his rules for a reason but sometimes those rules can be wrong, can't they? All he knows is that they have to tell him in person. He doesn't want him to find out by accident. Abby and McGee were bad enough the night before. No, he would tell him, regardless what the consequences would be. He would just have to face them.  
With one last look at Ziva, Tony finally falls into a profound sleep.

Tony awakes the next morning due to a soft kiss on his lips. As he opens his eyes, he sees Ziva carrying breakfast on a tray.  
"How do I deserve that?" He asks, smiling at her.  
"Just for being here and for listening."  
"Ah that," he just says, placing another kiss on her lips.

"So what's on the agenda today?" She asks him, sitting down beside him.  
"It's gotta be work, right?"  
"No. Gibbs just called. The murderer has handed himself in. So we got a free Sunday after all," she pauses for a second, clearly thinking about something. "You know what was weird though? He just added that I should tell you not to show up at work today. Like he knew that I was with you."  
"Did he sound angry?"  
"Not really, I think."  
"Hmm," Tony just mumbles, helping himself to a toast. "We should tell him soon though, right? I mean, he obviously already knows that something is up. I know we talked about keeping it a secret for a while but you saw what happened with Abby and McGeek. If Gibbs finds out like that, he will kill us for sure. No ninja skills could save us then."  
"You are right, probably," she answers, smiling uneasily. "I know, Tony, things didn't go exactly as planned those last couple of days and I also know that it was all my fault but I really would like get this thing between us working. Because it is what keeps me believing that I've chosen right this time."  
Tony remains silent for a few moments, having not expected that little speech. Pondering how to react to it, he just decides to let it pass. Maybe it is time for something light after all the heavy talks they had in the last couple of days.

"Okay," he finally replies. "So, what would you do then, if it wasn't for me on a free Sunday?"  
"I would go practice Tae Bo."  
"So you want to do that? Are you up against a fight against the one and only Anthony DiNozzo?"  
"Oh, you think you can beat me? No way," she laughs at him.  
"We'll see," he just replies, getting out of bed.

A little while later he stands in a gym, facing Ziva. He can't help but feel slightly nervous about her Tae Bo skills. But he knows that he has at least advantages regarding height and weight. So maybe he actually has a slim chance of winning.  
They start circling each other with Ziva already smirking playfully at him. He decides to just dive in. What has he to lose anyway? But his first attempts get defended seemingly easily.

"Is that all you are able to offer, Yakiri?" She asks, smiling playfully devilish.  
Then she launches forward, jabbing him so that he staggers backwards, desperately trying to remain standing. As he is about to fall backwards, he suddenly feels two hands on his shoulders, holding him up.  
"You know, you're not really someone I can practice on," Ziva grins, placing a soft kiss on his cheek, "You suck at this."  
"Yeah, well. This is only Tae Bo. We should do some real fighting, you know. Like in _Fight Club_. You wouldn't stand a chance."  
"Oh you think you look like Brad Pitt, yes?"  
"You actually know _Fight Club_?" Tony replies, seriously surprised.  
"Didn't you say that Brad Pitt's eye-candy before? I just like him. He cleans up nicely."  
"So do I," Tony says, playfully latched.  
"Yes, you kind of do."


	11. Knowing things would never be the same

**A/N: Nothing much to say... so, here we go ;D**

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_**Chapter Eleven: Knowing things would never be the same**_

"Tony, will you stop fidgeting?"  
Tony and Ziva are standing in the elevator on the way to the bullpen. Tony hasn't realized it before but he is indeed nervous. They agreed on telling the others today and the further up the elevator goes, the more nervous he's getting. He's not nervous about McGee or Abby as they already kind of know but Gibbs is a whole different story. He's still not sure how he will react to them as a couple. The elevator pings and the doors open. Tony casts a quick glance at the bullpen and is relieved to find it empty.  
"So, Abby first?" He asks.  
"Abby first."

A few minutes later they stand in Abby's lab, uneasily glancing at each other, then Tony manages to gain attention over the blaring music.  
"Abbs? We got to talk to you about something."  
Abby turns around and as she sees the two of them standing there together, a broad smile spreads on her face.  
"So, what do you two have to tell me?"  
"Well," Tony starts hesitantly. "You know we started this thing out totally wrong. We should have told you before and then, uh, it got out of hand a bit. Sorry."  
"So you're together now? Officially? And by officially I mean, will you tell Gibbs?"  
"Uh… yeah, I guess so," Ziva replies slightly confused about the joy that Abby is putting forward. "Are we okay, Abby? You know, about before?"  
"Forgiven and forgotten," Abby says before hugging them both very tightly.  
"Can't…breathe," Tony gasps after a few moments but grins goofily first at Abby and then at Ziva.

This is much easier than he thought it would be. Maybe it won't be so bad after all. But the weird feeling in his stomach is still here and he's sure it won't fade until they have talked to Gibbs.

They slowly make their way back up to the office in silence. Tony shortly takes Ziva's hand, pressing it softly, before looking around and placing a quick kiss on her lips.  
"This is going to work."  
Ziva says nothing, merely smiles.

Arriving at the office, there is still no one in sight of Gibbs or Tim, which is odd. Their shift has started half an hour ago and McGee has never been late as far as Tony can remember. He raises an eyebrow to Ziva and then sits down at his desk, looking for any paperwork to be completed.  
Only a few moments later, Gibbs finally strolls in, his usual coffee in one hand.  
"Morning David, DiNozzo," he just barks before sitting down.  
Uh-oh. Not in a good mood today. He quickly looks at Ziva, who seems to be just as uncomfortable as he feels.  
"Boss," Tony says. "Where's McGee? McAbsent?"  
"He called in sick, so it's just the three of us today."  
Ziva clears her throat, causing Tony to catch her eye. She simply nods. _Now._  
Tony gets up, approaching Gibbs' desk. Ziva beside him does the same. He notices that she's paler than usually.  
"Uh, Boss," Tony finally breaks the silence, staring intently at Gibbs. "I or rather we, uh, Ziva and I have to tell you something."  
Gibbs looks up at him, a slight smirk on his face.  
"Okay, my office."  
He stands up and slowly makes his way to the elevator. "But only you, DiNozzo," he adds as he realizes that Ziva is on her way, too.

Very nervously, Tony steps into the elevator, taking a deep breath before Gibbs pushes a random button, waits until the elevator is moving and then switching the emergency button.  
"So, what is it, DiNozzo, that makes you stutter like McGee when he first met me?"  
"Well, the thing is… it's about… Ziva and I… we decided to…"  
"Spit it out already, DiNozzo. I take it you decided to date?"  
"How did you know?"  
"I might not able to read some writings close to me, but I'm not blind, Tony."

Tony sucks in a breath. So, he knew? He let Tony come with him just to be cruel? Tony looks up now and sees that Gibbs' blue eyes are piercing him. He can't place the look on his face. Tony has thought that Gibbs would be angry about them breaking Rule Number 12 but Gibbs seems to be very calm, almost relaxed.

"So, what now? Are you not going to give me head-slap? Or fire me? Let me have transferred?"  
Gibbs tries to get eye contact with him, moving a little closer to him.  
"What are your intentions, DiNozzo? Will she be just one of those you like for a few days, weeks and then you'll get bored and break it up?"  
"No, Boss, I don't intend to do any of those things. I'm serious about this, about Ziva and me. I know, I don't have the greatest track record and I agree that I'm not the safest bet but this time I'm ready. I'm ready to commit."  
Gibbs' stare seems to penetrate him and Tony feels his heart rate increasing. He is shaking slightly, he realizes just now but he refuses to break the eye contact. He will not be stared down this time.  
"Okay, then," Gibbs finally replies. "Just make sure you treat her right. She's been through enough this year."  
"I know," Tony nods.  
"And if you ever bring your problems to the office ever again, like you did this week, I may be forced to separate you. You both haven't gotten any work done and you know it. Don't let this thing distract you. Understood?"  
"Understood," Tony replies, feeling the urge to salute.  
"Oh and one more thing," Gibbs says, while pressing the emergency button again, "Don't push McGee any further away than you're usually doing. I don't want you to ruin the group dynamic here."  
"You got it, Boss," Tony grins at him, earning himself a head-slap just as the doors open again.

Tony confidently walks back to his desk, grinning like a madman. As Ziva, who is still standing awkwardly where they left her before, looks at him, he flashes a smile, giving her a thumps-up. Gibbs walks by Ziva but not without giving her a head-slap, too.

"You know, Ziva," Tony states when they both leave work that night. "This went quite well. Things are going to be different now. I want this to be different between us."  
"I know," she simply says, taking his hand, seemingly not worried about the looks that some people are giving them.


	12. Before too long, before too late

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews :)**

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_**Chapter Twelve: Before too long, before too late**_

Tony wanders into the bullpen the day after, grinning slightly as he sees that McGee has returned to the office.

"Hey McSicko, how are you feeling today?"  
"I'm much better, thank you."  
"Well, I'm glad," Tony replies so light-heartedly that McGee eyes him suspiciously.  
"Oh, don't give me that look. Nothing's up, Tim. I'm just glad, you're okay."  
"Sure," McGee only mumbles, warily looking around him.

Only seconds later, Ziva strolls in, carelessly throwing her bag onto her desk and gives Tony a wink.  
"So, Tim," she says, beaming at him, "Tony and I have to tell you something."  
"Oh, don't bother. I already know that you two are dating."  
"How?" Tony asks confused. "Abby?"  
"No, haven't heard it from Abby. Let me think. First there was Noah from security. Then there was Hannah from law. She looked really pissed by the way, Tony. Then there was Agent Turner from downstairs and oh yes, the lovely lady from the cafeteria also told me."

"Damn scuttle butt," Tony says irritated, causing Ziva to chuckle ever so softly.  
"So, you're okay with that, McGee?" She asks, true concern mirroring on her face.  
"Yeah, sure. It's not like I didn't see it coming," he furrows a brow. "I'm happy for you guys."  
"Thanks, man."  
"You're done chit-chatting?" Gibbs growl carries down the stairs. "Dead sailor right outside Quantico. Get your things."

Keeping in mind what Gibbs told him yesterday about not getting distracted at work, Tony tries desperately to stay away from Ziva, only to realize that it is almost impossible to do so. Every few minutes, she would walk into his field of vision, smiling softly at him. It drives Tony crazy and she knows that.  
The case of the dead sailor is a rather devastating one. The corpse is lying in a forest near the interstate. The beautiful woman, who's quickly identified as Lt. Carrie Ward seems like the victim of some sort of rape and was then shot to death afterwards.  
Tony crosses the crime scene, the cam in his hands.  
"Boss, I'll go further up that hill. Maybe there are more traces."  
"Yeah, do that." Gibbs gives back.

Tony climbs up the small ascent carefully, so that he wouldn't miss any traces. It is freezing today and he is sure that it will snow soon. He really likes the snow. He zips his jacket close, readjusting his cap. As he turns around, he sees the usual busy crime scene. But yet something is oddly off but he can't quite put the finger on it. There is definitely something strange about that crime, he just doesn't know yet, what it is. He keeps on going, looking around every few moments to make sure he hasn't missed anything. But there is no trace, nothing as far as he can see. He bows in order to dodge a tree branch and then he can't see the others anymore. After a few more minutes, he has to give up. It is freezing cold and there is nothing to find there. He slowly makes his way down again.

He's not quite sure how long he's been gone but as he joins Gibbs and McGee again, Gibbs seems to be in a furious mood.  
"DiNozzo! Haven't I told you not to let yourself get distracted?"  
"What are you talking about? I've been taking pictures. I wasn't distracted."  
Gibbs looks at him, his blue eyes piercing.  
"Don't lie to me, DiNozzo. Ziva is gone for a while now. She said she had to check up on you."  
"No, Boss, I haven't seen her since I left you all here."

Tony looks around, slightly alarmed. Ziva is nowhere to be seen. He casts a glance at Gibbs whose senses seem to be alerted now, too.  
"Ziva!" Tony cries out, breaking into a run.  
He feels his heart rate going up. A weird feeling spreads in his stomach. He would feel weird any time that Ziva is not within his eyeshot but this is totally different now.  
"Ziva!" He shouts again, hearing Gibbs and McGee do the same thing.  
There's still no answer. Tony runs faster now, turning around every other second. He realizes that it's getting darker around him now. The trees are closer together now and the sun is slowly setting.  
"Ziva, come on! This is not funny."

But there is still nothing. Panic slowly grips him. Although, he knows that Ziva is well capable of defending herself, he can't shrug off the feeling of fear. He looks around once more. He can't see the other two anymore either. But they would have called him, if they had found her. He slows down a bit, cursing himself to be slightly out of shape these days. He keeps on walking though, attentively looking in any direction.  
He draws a deep breath and then, suddenly, he can hear something. First it seems like it's only the wind that is whooshing through some leaves but then he realizes that it's more than that. It's a person, a man who's breathing heavily. Tony's panic reaches an unknown height, causing his pulse to quicken. He reaches for his gun, carefully approaching the place where the man is panting.

A step forward.  
Finally, he is able to see something. The man's body is hunched over something that is lying on the ground.

One more step forward.  
No, it's not something that is lying there. It's a woman's body.

Another step forward.  
It's Ziva.

His insides freeze. Shock-frozen, he stands there, watching her body lying on the cold ground lifelessly. Her hair seems to be everywhere and Tony can't see the look on her face. He realizes that her hands are bound on her back. The man is now beginning to rip off her shirt.  
Tony furiously breaks into a sprint again, gun drawn, ready to shoot that guy at any moment.  
"Federal agent!" He cries out loudly.

The man lets go off Ziva and turns around to Tony, equally having a revolver drawn, pointing at Tony. The man must be about forty years old, his dark hair already slightly grey on some places. As Tony looks into his eyes, he can see that they are red. He's instantly reminded of how he's always pictured _Lord Voldemort's_ eyes. But the most disturbing thing about that man is that he grinning. He's grinning like madman at Tony.

"Federal agent," he cries again. "Put the gun down."  
"Or what?" The madman snarls, his index finger already on the trigger.

Tony knows it's now or never. He suddenly starts to run towards the guy, not caring that he still has his gun drawn, not caring that he could easily shoot him dead. All he knows is that he wouldn't let him hurt Ziva anymore. He literally plunges onto the man and obviously taking him by surprise, Tony is able to wrestle him down rather easily. He can feel that the madman has lost grip on his gun. Tony braces himself and punches the guy very hard. Blind rage is climbing up his body and he doesn't care about anything anymore. He punches him again. Harder this time and he realizes that the madman is unconscious. He takes a deep breath and stands up again. Then, he reaches for his cuffs and puts it around the guy's wrists.

He quickly turns around now to look at Ziva. She still is lying there, not moving an inch.


	13. There's nowhere to hide

**A/N: Yet, again thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming! :) Wanted to update earlier, but this weekend's just been crazy, so here goes...**

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_**Chapter Thirteen: There's nowhere to hide**_

_He quickly turns around now to look at Ziva. She still is lying there, not moving an inch. _

Tony hurriedly bends down and carefully strokes the hair out of her face. She's breathing. Thank god, she's breathing. But she stares up at him with eyes unfocused and so empty that Tony cringes internally.

"Ziva," he softly whispers.  
There is no answer. Her eyes still spin around unfocused.  
Ziva," Tony tries again. "It's me, Tony. You're safe. Do you hear me? You're safe."

Again, there is no reaction. Tony is about to panic but tries desperately to get a grip onto himself. He reaches for his cell and dials Gibbs' number.  
"Tony, you found her?"  
"Yeah and I think the killer of the lieutenant, too. Call an ambulance. It's Ziva… she's not physically hurt, I think, but she's, uh, not here."  
Tony can hear the panic in his own voice but tries to keep it steady.  
"Okay, sit tight, we'll find you soon."

Tony turns around to Ziva again and realizes just now that she's shivering. He takes off his jacket and gently pulls it around her. Then, he puts her up, so that he's holding her to his chest. He softly places a kiss on her forehead and suddenly her eyes flip up to his face.  
"Ziva? Are you alright?"  
"I… I think so," she says barely above a whisper.  
Relief washes over Tony. She's answering. He takes a deep breath.  
"Ziva, do you know where we are?"  
"Dead sailor… Quantico," she stammers with chattering teeth.  
"Yeah, you're right. Are you sure, you're okay? Nothing hurting?"  
"Fine. Just cold… so cold."

Tony turns around but neither Gibbs nor McGee are in sight already. He carefully puts Ziva down to the ground for a few moments and strips off his pullover. He knows that he is going to be sick, standing out there, only wearing a t-shirt, in these temperatures but he couldn't care less. He helps Ziva to pull it over her head.  
"Better?"  
Ziva just nods. Then he sits down next to her and makes her sit on his lap, so he can cradle her in his arms. No, he won't let go off her just yet. Ziva's head is resting against his chest. Nobody speaks for a very long time. When she suddenly looks up at him, her eyes, for the first time, are not empty anymore. They stare directly into his green ones and he can see them shimmer.  
"Thank you, Tony. I… I…"  
"Shh…," Tony just whispers. "Don't say anything. Everything will be alright, okay? The bastard won't ever hurt you again. I won't let him, okay? Gibbs and McGee are on their way. Everything will be alright."

One single tear finds its way down Ziva's cheek and Tony softly wipes it away. It breaks his heart to see her sitting there looking so lost, so broken. How could he let it happen? How could he let it happen again? Only one moment of abstraction and Ziva could be gone again and maybe with no return. He can't let that happen again. Ever. Just when he has found his way into her heart, he won't let anyone tear them apart. No one. Ever.  
He quickly glances over to the bastard who still lies there, motionless. Oh yes, he would beat the crap out of him anytime again.  
He is about to tell Ziva that he's not going to let go off her, as he can hear footsteps behind them and sure enough, moments later, McGee and Gibbs appear. Gibbs quickly scans the scene and realizing that the rapist is unconscious, he approaches Tony and Ziva.

"Are you alright?"  
Ziva and Tony just nod in unison.  
"Okay. The ambulance is not going to make it here. We have to get back to the place where the lieutenant's laying. Ziva, can you walk?"  
"That's okay," Tony chimes in as Ziva doesn't answer. "I'll carry her. I'd worry more about getting the bastard back."  
"I'm on it," McGee speaks for the first time, already reaching out for the guy.  
"Okay. I'll help Tim with him. You sure, you got everything under control, Tony?"

He just nods determinedly, paying his shaking knees no attention as he's getting up. He picks Ziva up once more, carefully holding her to his chest and starts walking. Nobody speaks on the way back which seems to be much longer than Tony has remembered it, rushing for Ziva's help. As they arrive at the crime scene, the police and the ambulance are already standing there, waiting for them. Two paramedics immediately try to take Ziva away from Tony but she refuses to let go off him. It's only after Tony persuades that he will be within reach that she lets go and allows the paramedics to take care of her.

Tony watches them in silence for a while until Gibbs softly pats him from behind.  
"You alright?"  
He eyes him suspiciously as Tony just nods, somehow unable to talk right now.  
"What exactly happened there?"  
"He… that guy tried to… tried to rape her, Boss. I…," Tony breaks off now, a sudden feeling of nausea washing over him.

He tries to swallow but is not able to do so anymore. Only the notion of her being raped makes his stomach turn. Suddenly he's not able to hold anything back anymore and he doesn't know what come first, him breaking into a sprint away from Gibbs or throwing up. All he knows it that a few moments later, he is bending over behind the ambulance, feeling so sick like never before in his life. As he finally straightens himself again, he can feel Gibbs' eyes on him again.

"Yeah, you're definitely alright," he says, a look of clear concern on his face.  
"I'm sorry, Boss. It's just…"  
"Don't worry. We can talk later. You want to ride with Ziva to the hospital?"  
As Tony nods again, Gibbs continues,  
"McGee and me will take care of the bastard and then clear the crime scene here. You stay with Ziva. Call me, if there's any news."  
"Okay," Tony says.  
"Oh, and Tony? Good job today."  
Tony turns around once more to Gibbs to disagree but he can see that Gibbs is serious and Tony decides to drop the topic. He knows well enough that he hasn't done a good job today. If there was a good job, Ziva would not lie in that damn ambulance now, Ziva would not have been hurt – again.

As he's about to climb the ambulance one of the paramedics tries to stop him.  
"You're family?"  
"No, but I'm her boyfriend."  
And despite himself, a warm feeling spreads inside of him and he suddenly feels a tiny little bit better. He is indeed that – her boyfriend.  
He sits down beside Ziva, relieved that she's instantly grabbing his hand, looking at him. He bends forward and softly whispers in her ear, so that nobody but them can hear him.  
"I'm here, Yakirati. I'll always be here."


	14. I'll kiss your open sores

**A/N: Thanks to those, who reviewed the last chapter and those who have alerted this story :) Keep those reviews coming, please! :)**

**I also have to mention that this chapter should probably be rated M, just so you know...**

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_**Chapter Fourteen: I'll kiss your open sores**_

Tony restlessly wanders up and down the waiting room a little while later, not able to sit down, not able to take a deep breath. He knows that Ziva seemed to be fine, at least physically, but he still can't relax. Her empty eyes seem to haunt him, whenever he closes his eyes for a split of a second, he can see them before him, staring up to him, no flicker of recognition mirroring in them.

"Mr. DiNozzo?"  
A doctor finally disrupts his gloomy thoughts.  
"Are you here for Ms. David?"  
"Daveed," Tony automatically corrects the guy but nods. "Is she alright?"  
"Yes. We'd like to keep her here for observation. But Ms. David seems to be against that. She is allowed to go home, if there is anybody who's going to keep an eye on her and she suggested you."  
"Yeah, sure. I'll be there."

After everything is settled with the hospital, Tony quickly calls Gibbs telling them where they are and that everything is fine. Tony knows that Gibbs knows that everything is far from being fine but as though he can sense Tony's tenseness, he says nothing.

Tony slowly drives her home. The only sound, that is filling the air, is their breaths and Tony doesn't dare to start talking for some reason unknown. Once in her apartment, Tony makes Ziva lie down on her bed and then carries Ziva's ancient-like TV into her bed-room. After he's sure that she's comfortable enough, he sits down beside her, carefully pulling one arm around her shoulders and is about to switch on yet another movie as he feels Ziva stiffen slightly under his touch. He turns to look at her and sees that her face is somehow guarded and tensed again, almost as if she's afraid.

"Ziva," he softly says. "Are you sure that you're alright? That nothing's hurting?"  
Ziva remains silent for a few moments, clearly thinking very hard about something, maybe searching for the right words. Tony just waits patiently, whatever it is, she's struggling to talk about it and Tony knows it. So he won't push anything.

"You know," she finally starts, "I just do not understand how that… that man was able to… to do those things today. He was not even heavy or strong. I could have easily fought him off. I just do not understand. I did not even fight him. I just let him drag me away, let him… let him."

She breaks off again, looking away from Tony as if she's ashamed of herself. Tony straightens up to be able to look into her eyes again. He desperately wants to help without knowing how. These last weeks have just been crazy and incredibly sad. He feels his heart break ever so slightly as Ziva avoids eye contact again.

"Ziva, listen. That bastard has killed the lieutenant just like that. You don't have to feel ashamed about letting him have his way. Everything turned out fine, okay? He hasn't really had the chance to hurt you, has he?"  
"That is not the point, Tony. I just let him do whatever he wanted to, don't you get it? How am I supposed to be a field agent, when I am not even able to fight anymore?"  
"Ziva, what are you talking about? You were shocked. I'm sure you were just caught off guard. You're one of the best of us. Everyone knows that. You haven't lost your ability to fight or any other ability that makes you who you are."  
"It is not true, Tony and you know that. You said so yourself. I am not the Ziva that I was a year ago."  
"That might be true, you know. But I personally think you're a better version now."  
"Why?" Ziva looks up at him confused.  
"Well, the old Ziva would have never let me take care of her like that. She would have never let me lie in bed beside her. But look, here we are."

For the first time today something similar to a smile appears on Ziva's face, causing Tony's pulse to quicken. But as fast as that little smile has appeared as fast it is gone again, gone to a place where Tony would never find it again.

Tony becomes serious again, softly lifting up her chin with his index finger so she cannot avoid eye contact anymore.  
"What exactly happened today, Zi? I just want to help you."  
"I do not know exactly," she starts hesitantly. "But as that… that guy sneaked up at me, it was like I was back in Somalia again. I was just back there. I suddenly could not breathe anymore. I just let him have his way because I knew that I could not fight him because I was too weak to do so. I…"

Ziva breaks off now, clearly fighting the tears that already seem to sting her eyes. Tony can't quite place his own feelings. His stomach feels like there is an iron fist clutching it. Is Ziva really telling him what he thinks she does? That she was… raped in Somalia? Tony can feel the well-known nausea washing over him again. He tenderly pulls her closer to him again, so that she's able to rest her head against his shoulder. He lifts his hand again and softly wipes away her tears with his thump.

"It's okay, Ziva," he finally continues as he feels that she's relaxing a little. "You can tell me, if you want. You can trust me."  
"I know, I can. It is just… I never wanted to talk about this but it does seem like I have to. It is just so incredibly hard and I cannot shake off the feeling that I deserved it somehow, you know, for fighting back."

Nobody speaks for a while and Tony just doesn't want to push her into talking. She has opened up already so much that he doesn't dare to make the moment go away now. He knows that she really needs to talk about what Saleem did to her. So, he patiently waits, stroking her hair with one hand and holding hers with the other.

"I think it was about two weeks after I came to Somalia. Back then, I was still fighting him, still being a smart-ass, still thinking that my father would come to rescue me. I guess he did not like me fighting him. He came into that room, where he had held me hostage and he was holding a bottle of water out for me. I knew that it was probably some sort of trap because he had never given me anything before that but at that time I was just so thirsty that I would have drunk anything. I realized too late that it was poisoned. I just remember that he left that room again and I tried to get up again, just for the sake of getting up but somehow I was not able to. I could barely balance myself and fell against the far wall because I could not stand. The next thing I remember is that Saleem was standing over me, grinning at me like a madman. I tried to get up again but somehow I could not move. I could feel though. I could feel him running his hands up and down my thighs. I could see how he was already aroused. And then… and then he just stripped off my trousers, kissed me, touched me everywhere. And I… I just couldn't fight him, as much as I wanted. I was just lying there, not able to defend myself but yet I could feel my own body betraying me. He gripped me hard, bit me, scratched me before he… before he…"

Ziva breaks off now again, sobbing hard, holding on tight to Tony, who wraps his arms around her tightly. He feels sick again. If Saleem wasn't dead he would torture him any possible way, knowing that he could never make it right again for Ziva. He has to remind himself that she's here now, that he's holding her in his arms now, that he maybe – and only maybe – can help her. He has to try in any case.

"Ziva, was this the only time he…," he trails off, unable to actually say the word out loud.  
Ziva just shakes her head.  
"No, it was not the only time. But it was like he waited for me to give up. It had not happened again for a long time afterwards. And as he finally came again, I did not even fight him because I just wanted to get it over with. I let him have his way. I felt like I deserved it because… you know, because I dared to fight him before."

"Ziva, listen. I know I've said this before but I'm going to say again. It was not your fault, you hear me? You did nothing to deserve that. I know it might sound lame now but he was the one having issues, not you. It is inexcusable what he did to you. No one, and that includes you, especially you, deserves to be… to be raped, do you hear me? You're such an amazing person, a caring person. I know I haven't told you enough but you amaze every day, even if it's only the little things, but they can never mean enough. Want I want to say is, Ziva, Saleem was a sick bastard that had you under his control. He was playing you, he wanted to get information about you, Mossad, NCIS, whatever. But, and that's the most important thing now, he's not there anymore. Not just because he's dead. You have to get over him, get over Somalia. I know it's not easy. But telling me about what happened is maybe just the thing you needed to do to be able to move on. Because I know that I need you to move on, Ziva, because I know there will be a time, when I need my little ninja again."

At the last words, Ziva has looked up at Tony again, her cheeks still wet from all the tears she's cried, but he is able to see that she's changed all of a sudden. As he looks into her brown eyes now, he can see something that he hasn't seen in what seems to be a very long time.

Her eyes sparkle.


	15. It's hard but it's harder to ignore it

**A/N: Seems like the reviews are getting fewer and fewer but thanks to those two who reviewed. Made my day! :)  
**

**So, I actually really should study as my finals are starting next week but well... I prefer wasting my time with playing guitar and writing :P So here's the next chapter. I cannot say though, when the next is up because some time I'll maybe find my motivation to study again ;-)**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter :) Thanks for reading ;-)**

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_**Chapter Fifteen: It's hard but it's harder to ignore it**_

Tony doesn't know how he could have ever fallen asleep but as he wakes up again, he's lying in bed beside Ziva, his arm still wrapped around her. As he opens his eyes, he sees that hers are fixed on him, that splinter of hope not yet vanished. She softly kisses him and then she gets up, saying something about coming late for work. He tries to object, tells her that she's still supposed to stay at home after all those things that have happened to her yesterday but she's not open to persuasion. Tony gives in at the end, there is no point in fighting with her anyway.

While he is still tense, horrified and many other feelings that Tony can't even identify, Ziva seems completely at ease now, smiling broadly at McGee and Gibbs as they enter the bullpen, light-heartedly dashing away their concerns about her starting work so soon. Tony can't help but glance at her all morning, all afternoon but she really is in that good of a mood. She doesn't tense up when the elevator arrives and she's basically smiling all the time. Hell, she even kisses him in front of Gibbs.  
Of course, he doesn't mind all of that and he's glad that she's in such a good mood. He hasn't seen her like that in a very, very long time. He wonders, if talking about stuff really helps people that much. He just doesn't know since he's usually the one, bottling up all his worries and tries to make them vanish with yet another prank, yet another movie reference. But if Ziva really is that glad right now, he won't complain. He could watch her smiling his whole life.

He hasn't realized that he has been staring at her for a while now obviously because he gets head-slapped by Gibbs, who's just approached his desk without Tony even noticing.  
"DiNozzo! I feel like there's a need for a Rule Number 52. _Don't ever be distracted._ Go back to work, if your report is not finished until tonight, you'll stay here the whole night, understood?"  
"Yes, Boss."

Tony finally empties his head of all the actions, talks from yesterday and actually starts to write his side of the story about how he caught the rapist, who, he now knows, is named Andy Armstrong. But already into the third sentence, Abby pops up, shortly whispers something to Ziva and then turns around to Tony, smiling broadly.  
"Tony," she starts, approaching him. "Can you spare Ziva tonight? We're planning a girl's night out, you know. Just the two of us."  
"Uh, yes, sure. I doubt that Gibbs will let me go in any time soon anyway. Go ahead, have fun."  
"Awesome," Abby just says, turning around, already animatedly chatting with Ziva again.

At around eight o'clock, Gibbs is finally satisfied with Tony's report and lets him go home for the night. Once outside the building, he reaches for his cell phone and immediately dials Ziva's number. She's left the office about two hours before he was finally able to do so.  
"Yeah, David."  
"Hey Zi, it's me."  
"Hey Tony, what's up?"  
"Nothing much. Just wanted to check in and to say 'have fun' with Abby tonight. If you want you can still swing by afterwards, you know."  
"Yeah, if it's not too late, I might take you up on that, Yakiri," she said.  
"Okay then, call me if you need anything. Buona notte."  
"Layla Tov, Tony."

Then the line is dead again. Actually, Tony doesn't know what to do tonight. He has considered asking McGee to go out, drinking some beers but then again somehow he doesn't want to do that. He's so used to having Ziva around at night that he can't even remember what he has done before that. Movies, sure. Going out drinking, sure. Picking up girls, sure. But he can't do that now anymore and he doesn't mind at all.

He climbs into his car and drives out the garage. He doesn't really care where he is going, how fast he's going or that the traffic lights are red. He just drives around, thinking about how sorry he's feeling for Ziva and how cheerful she is despite all of that. How he's going to help her. He just comes to the conclusion that he's not going to let her go anywhere in any time soon. He just wants her to be happy again. Be the Ziva she has been a year ago. The Ziva that actually made him fall hard for her.

He stops the car now and gets out. He's now facing Gibbs' house. He's not quite sure why he drove here or what he wants from his boss but still, here he is. He doesn't bother to knock, so he just lets himself into Gibbs' house and figuring that he's downstairs doing boat stuff, he just takes the stairs. And sure enough, there he is, sanding the wood. He doesn't even look up as Tony enters the basement, sitting down on the last step.

"Want something to drink, DiNozzo?"  
"Yeah, why not?"

He waits till Gibbs has handed him a mug and sips once, feeling the alcohol burning down his throat and finds it oddly soothing.

"Boss," he says after a while in total silence. "Do you think that talking helps sometimes? You know to get over stuff?"  
"Look, who you're talking to, Tony. But I do believe that there are some cases when talking helps you… in some way or another."

Again there's silence, Tony ponders whether and how he should continue. But it seems like he cannot form the right words. He doesn't even know what exactly he wants to tell him.

"So," Gibbs finally diverts his thoughts. "Is Ziva alright?"  
"Yeah… I think so. She's doing better at least."  
"I could see that," Gibbs said, a slight smirk on his lips. "And how are you?"  
"Honestly? I'm horrified. Yesterday was just too much. You know… we talked a lot about Somalia. Did you know that she… that she."  
"Was raped? Yes, I always suspected that," he answers carefully, looking at Tony. "Listen, Tony. I know what you're thinking. Believe me, we've all been through that. It is not your fault, you know that? It's not your fault that she has decided to go there to find Saleem. You could have done nothing about it. You saved her, remember. Not only from Somalia. You saved her yesterday, too. She's not going to forget that. You just have to get over yourself, over all that stuff. Enjoy what you have now."

Tony says nothing. He runs his fingers through his hair, takes another sip and continues to stare at the ground. Deep down, he knows that Gibbs is probably right, just like usually, but he can't help but notice the uneasy feeling that is still lingering in his stomach.

"I just don't want this to happen again, you know. But it feels like I have no control over these things. Yesterday was just like, you know, I turn around and she's gone again. I'm terrified of… of losing her again."

Tony looks down to the ground again. He doesn't know why he is telling Gibbs that but somehow he can't stop himself.

"Well, Tony, that's not unusual. You know, to get protective of someone you love."

With those words, Tony gets head-slapped and Gibbs stands up again, turning around to his boat again, ignoring Tony. He gets the hint, stands up and leaves him behind. He steps out of the house and sees that the first snow of the season is slowly falling down to earth. For the first time this day, a smile spreads on his face. Like a small child, he reaches out his arms in order to catch some of the flakes. A few minutes later though, he feels the cold slowly getting to him and as he's about to climb into his car, he feels his cell vibrating in his pocket.

He looks at the caller ID and his smile flashes.


	16. Under my skin, under these scars,

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys!  
While I was writing this chapter I didn't think that it could possibly be the last but as I've finished it, it kind of seemed like a good way to let this whole thing end. There is a possibility of an Epilogue, I think, but only if you guys would like one ;-)**

**Anyway... I hope that you like this last chapter!**

**Oh yes, I'm not quite sure whether this should be rated M again but I personally think, that T is good enough :)  
Have fun!**

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_**Chapter Sixteen: Under my skin, under these scars, take me again**_

_He looks at the caller ID and his smile flashes._

"Hey Ziva."  
"Hi. Are you still up?"  
"Yeah, only left Gibbs a few minutes ago. So, you're free now?"  
"I actually am."  
"Where can I pick you up?"  
"I'm still outside the _Lux Lounge_. Abby has, uh, what is that saying… she picked up a guy and here I am now."  
"Sit tight, I'll be there in like fifteen minutes."

As Tony drives Ziva-style to the club, he's somehow not able to hold himself back. He's kind of light-headed and he can't help but feel happy. He knows that there will be a possibly winding road to walk on for him and Ziva but talking to Gibbs has helped him a lot. He knows what he wants know and that is only Ziva and nobody else. He doesn't care which Ziva he's getting, whether it's the old, wild one or the new, vulnerable one. He likes both of them equally and he knows that now.

One last turn and he can see the club already. It's still snowing and Tony's mood is lifting even more now. He doesn't really know what it is about snow but he's always excited when he sees the first snow of the season, feeling like a little kid who is happy that he'd be able to instigate a snowball fight.  
He parks his car now, looking out for Ziva. He spots her leaning against that exact same wall as they did only a few days before. As she sees him, a soft smile appears on her face.

"Hey," he simply says, placing a tender kiss on her lips and he can smell the scent of her and that of a few tequilas.  
"Did you have fun tonight?"  
"Not as much as Abby had," she smirks.  
"I'd love to see that guy…," Tony trails off, looking around.  
An idea has just occurred to him.  
"So Ziva, how would you like a little passeggiata in this winter wonderland?"  
"If it leads to my apartment in the end, absolutely," she replies, a smile playing on her lips.  
"Alright, then."

Tony takes Ziva's hand and together they start to walk, talking about nothing in particular. After the whole Rivkin debacle, Tony would have never thought that they would be here like that ever again, holding hands, laughing together, just generally having a good time. He really likes that.  
The snow is already covering the streets now and Tony quickly bends down, gathers some of it into a snowball and throws one at Ziva. She, however, ducks just in time and he has not to wait long for her revenge. A snowball hits his neck only seconds later.  
"You're up for a fight?"  
"Considering that you're a desert girl, I think I can compete," Tony laughs, already throwing another snowball at her, this time hitting her square in the face.

A few minutes later, they are both dripping wet but despite that, their mood couldn't possibly be better. As they finally agree on a well-deserved draw, Tony pulls an arm around her and kisses her forehead.

"So, fancy going home now?" He asks, still a little out of breath.  
"Yep, definitely. It's freezing here."  
"Okay, then. You'll lead the way."

Half an hour later, Tony finds himself standing in Ziva's bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel in order to get it dry again. He looks at Ziva, who stands beside him mirroring his action. She wears sweats now and a white snug t-shirt that doesn't really leave anything to imagination. Oh hell, she's one sexy woman.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Ziva diverts his train of thought.  
"Nothing," he mumbles, still looking at her. "You just… you're just very beautiful tonight."  
Her smile flashes and she drops the towel to the floor, flinging her arms around his neck.  
"You think so?"  
"Hell, yeah," he simply says before he kisses her again, his hands on her waist, pulling her even closer to him.

Their kiss gets fiercer now, their breaths are intermingling and Tony, once again, feels the heat that radiates from her. If possible, he pulls her even closer now, running his hands up and down her back. They stumble out of the bathroom now, into her bedroom. This seems oddly familiar but Tony doesn't care right now, all he is able to think about is holding her as close as possible to him, feeling her body pressing against his, feeling her kissing down to his neck, nipping at his earlobe. He can't hold back a moan as she does so, causing her to give him a broad smile before they kiss again, more intense now.  
Slowly they move to her bed, not letting go off of each other. She practically throws him onto her bed, already undoing the buttons on his shirt. He strips off his shirt once they're all undone, softly kissing her again while making her lay on her back. He pulls off her shirt now, kissing her neck, slowly making his way further downwards.  
He notices a small scar right above one of her breasts. He softly kisses it then looks up into her face. She's still smiling temptingly at him. He suddenly is remained that Saleem was the last one that did this to her, seeing her like that, feeling her like that, possibly giving her that exact scar. He stops dead in his tracks.

"Ziva, are you sure you want to do this?"  
"Yes, Tony. I am sure."  
"But…"  
"Are you thinking of Saleem?"

She asks now, sitting up as far as she's allowed with him lying on top of her. She softly runs her fingers through his hair, smiling at him. She looks him deep into the eyes and he can see that she's sincere now, that she's letting her guard down once again.

"Listen, Tony," she finally continues. "This is nothing like that. I want to do this with you. I don't compare it to anything that Saleem has done to me because I want _you_. I want it to be _you_. I want to kiss _you_, feel _you_."  
"But all those scars…," Tony says, while tracing a particular large one just under her bellybutton.  
"Hey," she says, pulling up his chin with her index finger, so he cannot help but look her in the eyes again.  
"Those scars are just reminding me of a life I once had. They have nothing to do with you and me. There are just remains of my past. I am ready to move on, if you are ready, too."

As Tony looks at her now, he knows that she means it, that she doesn't pull an act. A feeling suddenly overwhelms him. He remembers Gibbs' words from before. _Well, Tony, that's not unusual. You know, to get protective of someone you love. _They echo in his head now and he realizes just now what this feeling is that is almost overpowering him. He has never felt that way about anyone and he knows that for sure.

"Ziva, I love you."

She replies nothing, just kisses him again and he can't help but lean into her once more. She gives him a dazzling smile and he's able to feel her trembling as he nips at her neck again. He knows that he will not be able to stop himself from this point on. But as Ziva presses her body against his, he knows that there will be no need to stop ever again.

As she lies in his arms quite a while later, heat still radiating from her, she looks him into the eyes again and Tony inevitably has to smile as she sees that her eyes are back to life again. They twinkle at him. But there is more than that. They tell him more than she would ever give away. Tony sighs at the sight of that mischievous sparkle. He has missed it so much.

"Just for the record Tony," she says. "Ti amo."

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_Passeggiata (ital.) = a walk_

_Ti amo (ital.) = I love you_

_So let me know how you liked this and whether you'd like an epilogue...  
**Thanks a lot** anyhow, for staying tuned on this, for reviewing, favoriting and alerting this story. Thanks!  
_


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